Day 45 What's Your Circle?

I mentioned "your circle" yesterday, and then it occurred to me some might not know what I mean....Your circle is your group of close peeps. Your circle can be small or large, close in proximity or spread all over the map. Your circle can be in contact daily or not. Your circle are the people you've determined you can trust your soul and heart and thoughts. If your circle is contaminated with dysfunctional abusers then your circle will be harmful to you. When I say "clean your circle", I mean purge the dysfunctional abusers from your whole life....that means, you can keep them as acquaintances or remove altogether, but keeping them close to you and sharing your soul, heart, and thoughts will always keep you from peace, balance, joy, and happiness, because dysfunctional abusers will always abuse these sacred trusts. 

Day 44 Happiness

Happiness is a fleeting thing...or can be....I used to think that happiness as a whole (and sometimes even a part) was as rare as unicorns. Happiness, like balance, ebbs and flows for sure, but I now know it's not as temporary or rare as I used to think it was. I now know that if you follow the "pyramid" (below) and deal functionally with everyone (not taking what's not yours under your wing to control or take personally), then life is pretty sweet, joyful, and happy. Life these days is more happy than I ever thought possible. I still work a lot, struggle at times, dabble in and out of stress, but the difference in now and then (when I didn't think happiness was a thing) is I don't let emotional harm "happen to me" by letting bad in my circle. No, I'm not in a bubble. Yes, interactions with non-pyramid followers happens and is part of life. But, the difference (key difference) is I only allow the good, functional, nonabusive into my inner self. I discovered the matrix to happiness, and it's not keeping in dysfunctional inner strife. Clean your circle and get your happiness on....

1.    Universal Laws are true laws in nature and defined by God. To keep these laws, one must simply and always apply the Golden Rule of treating others as they would wish to be treated. Be true to your word and your actions as such.

2.    Identity is your true self. Protection of both your identity and those around you is paramount in keeping with the adherence of Universal Law.

3.    Boundaries are the border of self-protection; the emotional space that you allow or disallow others to participate. Boundaries never violate the Universal Laws, nor do they violate your Identity or the Identity of others.

4.   House Rules are the foundation of the governing body where you reside. House Rules should never impede upon your Boundaries or your Identity and as such will never break Universal Laws.

5.    Preferences are simply your personal likes and dislikes. Preferences have to stay within the appropriate infrastructure created by Universal Laws, yours/others Identity, yours/others Boundaries, and House Rules.

6.   Peer Pressure is never okay in manipulating to gain one’s own desires or against oneself or another. Asking for a desire in compliance with Universal Laws, yours/others Identity, yours/others Boundaries, House Rules, and Preferences is good communication as long as once rejected or accepted is honored and not coerced. Always being true to the Golden Rule is key in steering away from the bad of Peer Pressure. Always being true to your Identity and Boundaries is key in keeping from performing under unspoken Peer Pressure.

Days 40-43 Only The Good

Only sharing the "good" parts works, but it's fake. Only sharing the negative view point relays a whole other host of dysfunction. The Facebook syndrome of sharing all the trumped up press release version of a life you don't even live but maybe a blip of a second and then it's over and the real stuff, the lazy, gross, dysfunctional stuff gets buried so deep inside of you that it becomes this overwhelming burden of shame you carry around with you day in and day out. Or, just as bad, you believe your own press and are this side of a sociopath in the buried misrepresentation of your life, activities, and relationships. What's worse, is most participate in this and don't even realize what's wrong with the lies....because that's what it ends up being. Displaying a five second feeling or happening that nowhere comes close to what your life or relationship is...is a lie. The flip side, are the Eeyores posting completely blown out of proportioned whoa is me, feel sorry for me, beg me to let you help me nonsense. Having grown up with a borderline mother, trust me when I say the victim mentality is the most manipulative ego stroking lying disgusting behavior I've encountered.

So what's my point? At the end of the day, own your reality. I'm not suggesting you post only butterflies and fairy dust. Nor, am I saying that you should air your entire life online or to everyone you come in contact. I'm saying be honest with yourself and those in your circle. I've encountered way too many who become what they post online to everyone, and the 50th selfie pic becomes what they think they look like, their one trip to the garden makes them a gardener, their one hard day makes them a dedicated victim. Every activity or proof of a loving relationship doesn't need to be what you cling to and post....it's not who or what you are anyway, and the lies damage any hope to have it. What and who you are, what you have in your relationships, and all the rest is no different than the numerous attempts of taking your selfie pics.....what you really look like, have, are is when no one is watching or noticing. When you are truly yourself and comfortable and not acting, pretending, sucking it all in, that right there is you and your life. If that right there isn't where or what you want, then change it .... don't fake it so the world thinks better of you. And, don't post fake so you can get your ego soothed....it truly takes away from actually getting to the place you fake being. 

Days 38-39 Not Giving Up

I think I can, I think I can, I know I can, I know I will.....Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's so not. Some days it's a moment by moment need to reset. To live and breathe is to struggle and be tempted by obstacles to just throw in the towel. Not "doing", not "adulting" seems way easier than all the hard. It's not, but it's an easy lure for sure and certain. Breakdowns of not wanting to give two flying....happens, just don't stay there. Consistency is what makes it easy. It's the stopping for too long, getting buried under, losing ground and having to start over (again) that makes it hard. Keep on chugging, keep on swimming, and know that a healthy, functional, fully adulting lifestyle is easier over all, over time.....

Days 37 Doing It All In Balance

It's totally possible as long as you remember this one very important detail.....rotation. Believe it or not, you can work, teach children (school, life lessons, home management, finances, fitness/nutrition etc.), keep your budget in balance, pantry stocked, home cooked meals throughout the week made, clean house, projects and to-do's doing, hobbies, down time, family time, workouts, and all the rest all at once and all in balance. The key is to know 1) perfection doesn't exist & 2) you have to rotate out tasks daily/weekly. An example of rotation for staying on top of it all and in balance:

Clean House

1. Clean as you go by cleaning dishes as you cook, picking up as you walk through a room, putting in a load of laundry around meal times. If you do this in rotation throughout the day/week, your house is always picked up and in order.
2. It's easier to rotate out the heavy cleaning tasks by doing a chore every day which reduces time spent on it and it always being done. Dust lightly once a week, but really well once to twice a month. Wipe down your bathrooms after every shower, but scrub every other week (if you are lightly cleaning every day this is all it takes). Spring Clean throughout the year and it's not such a big ordeal by taking one task a week (e.g., move the furniture in the living room and clean it thoroughly including window treatments once every few months if you are home a lot with multiple people/pets, but less if you are not home much and have little to no inhabitants....and then it takes less time and it's always clean and the weekly clean up is less involved). Always keep your fridge and pantry straightened by wiping, tossing, and straightening as you unload and put away the groceries.
3. Tackle projects/repairs/and the like in increments and in rotation (especially if time is short) and they get done. You don't have to set aside time and expense when you do it this way, added bonus is it's also not such a mental ordeal if you aren't always having to put it off for the nonexistent perfect time.
4. Rotating and doing little bits as you go keeps it done, keeps you organized, keeps you joyful, and frees up an insane amount of time for all the rest on your plate to do, touch, and finish!

Day 36 Expectations

Expectations will getcha ya sometimes for realz! If I go into a lifestyle change, I have to adjust my expectations as I go or I fall off a cliff. I can't expect immediate change for example, but rather slow and steady progress with a side of failing. In that, I can jig and jag and adapt to the necessary while working on the goal at hand. When working with the kids, I have to hope for the best and expect a struggle so I won't get too discouraged ;-) I'd always rather be surprised than defeated. Basically, be a realist with every expectation and be flexible with the adjustments along the way!!! 

Days 34-35 Intentions

Intentions matter only with regard to the emotion behind an action. Intentions matter not at all if the action is not present! Just like buying a bunch of tools doesn't get a house built, neither does intending to workout get the workout done. Intentions are prompts, but action is what determines success or failure. Desire, goals, and planning are integral parts of action, but not the action itself. We can dream, intend, plan all day long, but not until we ACT does the dream, intention, plan ever come to fruition!

Days 32-33 Starts and Restarts

It can be very frustrating and defeating to start something, like a new workout regime, and then stop due to obstacles, etc. Starting and restarting makes you feel a bit crazy and all over the place. It can also make you feel like giving up as if there is no point in trying. Isn't life fun!?! Put aside the 'crazy' and keep on restarting until you breakthrough to what will work.

For me, I am trying to figure out how to balance out all of the to do's with being tired of doing so much and falling behind on everything constantly. The work doesn't go away just because I break down. I just have to keep trying different schedules and what nots until I find the balance of what gets the lists done without dysfunctionally "doing". It's hard because my past codependent self could tackle all of these daily obstacles, but at great costs to me. The patterns I developed for overachieving was so not good (mentally, spiritually, relationships, physically). I have new patterns now, healthier/functional patterns, but they don't "get it all done"....which is kinda the point. We can't get super human lists done in a healthy, noncodependent way, and that's okay...it's okay to not be super human cause none of us are (for long anyway). It's okay to keep trying and failing and trying again until we figure it out. It's okay that "it" doesn't always get done until it does. The only thing that is not okay is to quit trying to be better, know better, do better. So, until I figure out this tetris, I'll keep starting and restarting until I get that tetris in a healthy, noncodependent, non-self-defeating way!

Days 30-31 Organize

An organized environment is indicative of an organized mind....an organized mind is a disciplined mind, lends itself to a functional mind. Declutter your mind and your surroundings and live simply! My mom was a hoarder of sorts and attached way too much emotional attachment (chains) around "stuff". She had a cluttered mind with cluttered thoughts and couldn't "let go" of anything. The "stuff", the clutter became her prison. Hanging on to anything and everything (thoughts or material or people) isn't a healthy/good thing. It keeps you from growing, it keeps you from peace, it keeps you from balance, and it keeps you from being functional/healthy. I'm not suggesting you throw everything out. I am urging you instead to purge what doesn't serve you, assess what you are clinging to, organize and simplify what you keep, and live burdened (chain) free!

Days 24-29 Healing

Last week was a whirlwind of change for me. Beyond meeting with the surgeon and getting a different protocol than surgery, unplanned outpatient biopsies, and recovery....there were numerous other life changing events (of which I won't go into here). It was trying, stressful, painful, but mostly relief filled. I am still healing from the medical procedure, and have several more procedures to go before the year is out, but have good news and many things for which to be grateful!

Healing from physical and emotional wounds is a similar process, and follow the grieving progression. As we heal and gain our self again, gratitude abounds. The pain dissipates and is replaced with relief and mobility. It becomes the reprieve we need to become better and not bitter. This week is very much lighter, but still an integral part of the process to my healing. In all steps of last week and this week, I am extremely thankful!!!!

Day 23 Just An Update...

LOL....if I wasn't so used to pivoting in life, I would seriously be a little nuts right now!!! So good news is I most likely won't have to put my body through a surgery any time soon! That's such a relief!!! I am going to have to go in this morning for two needle biopsies and tags and more scans....which means no working out for this week and part of next.....This is how I look at this: I'm on a challenge to correct my lifestyle back to healthy, clean, and active! This is not a sprint or a race, but an everlasting change. To that end, this isn't a discouraging derailment, but a motivation to eat clean and stay centered and keep balancing the madness of life with the goals I have. Here's the thing with getting fit and healthy....it's 75-80% of what you eat (or don't eat), so that will be my focus for the next 7-10 days. As soon as I am able, I will start back with Yoga, then add in all the workouts etc. My posting may be spotty for just a bit, but I will continue to keep posting these 90 days. For now, kids, doctors, and rest! ttfn ;-)

Days 21-22 Not Giving Up

False starts, failed tries, lack of results and/or motivation.....It's hard when you're in the midst of a challenge (health or what have you), and what you're trying isn't working, or you're overwhelmed by the obstacles and wanting to chuck it all and give up. Don't! It doesn't matter if it's a snail's pace. It doesn't matter if you look crazy with all your various pivots (tactic changes). It doesn't matter if you spend your entire lifetime working toward a life journey. What does matter is that you don't give up! You'll get sidetracked, sideswiped, derailed temporarily, but it's always a mental choice of whether you 'give up' or not....so don't! If the path you're on is one to a healthy, functional, whole being, then it's worth the journey however long and however hilly!!!

Days 18-20 Grief

Grief is a very individual process. We all grieve differently and for different lengths of time. However and for whatever you grieve, you need to fully grieve. All too often, we feel pressured to rush through the process because the folks around us "expect" us to get over (fill in the blank) fast so we can just be whatever to them that they need us to be. WTF and back the truck up! Dysfunction, dysfunction, dysfunction!!! When I unexpectedly lost my dad in 2002, I was expected to be over it to "please" (fill in the blank). I can tell you from numerous experiences with grief that the more you try to push the feelings aside, hurry up to be "normal", etc., the worse and the longer the grieving process takes. And, we don't just grieve for the loss of a loved one. We grieve the loss of relationships, jobs, health, self, motivation to give a hot damn, etc. We grieve when no one (and sometimes including us) know that we are grieving. Bottom-line: Allow yourself and those around you their process. Take a deep breath and feel your feelings, work through them, and grow out of them. Yes, you still have to function, just not at the super human rate you usually do. Take the time necessary to heal because only then can you truly let go of the past to be present in your future!