Letting Go To Move On

More times than not you cannot move forward until you move on.....by LETTING GO!  Couple of things with actually 'letting go'.  First, you have to legitimately forgive yourself or others in order to let go of whatever.  True forgiveness doesn't mean you forget, but does mean you don't hold on to the emotion of whatever it is.  To hold on is only punishing you over and over again.  Whether it is yourself or someone else, you are torturing yourself for something from the past in the present again and again.  Is doing so solving or resolving anything?  NO!  Is harboring such negative emotion bettering your present or future?  NO!  Is holding on with such a firm grasp actively harming your emotional well being and physical health?  YES!  Let go and feel lighter emotionally and physically!!!  From a Christian standpoint, if Christ can forgive us, all of us, then who are we to think we are unforgiveable?  Once you ask Christ for forgiveness, it's done, over, don't ask Him again and don't punish yourself over and over again.  Move forward into the future!  Revel in the present!  And Don't REPEAT your mistakes, missteps, or whatever.....And if you fall, we're human, forgive, try harder, move forward!

You're Right....Life Isn't Fair

If you are having a tough time, get in line.  Struggles are a part of life, just as they are a part of your fitness or mental/emotional growth journey.  Learn from your hardships and/or your mistakes and move forward.  Anytime growing up I would lament that something wasn't fair, my Dad's retort was always "who ever said life was fair?"  Truer words were never spoken.  Life isn't fair!  Shit happens!  Get over it.....because you are only hurting yourself by holding on to what isn't fair in your life!!!!

Be Kind...Don't Judge...Be You!

You don't know what someone else is going through or where they have come from or where they are headed. Be kind!  Don't Judge! Be You and let everyone else be them and worry about themselves!  By the same token: Be Kind to yourself! Don't Judge yourself by others! Be you and do the best you can each moment!

"When we harbor negative emotions toward others or toward ourselves, or when we intentionally create pain for others, we poison our own physical and spiritual systems. By far the strongest poison to the human spirit is the inability to forgive oneself or another person. It disables a person's emotional resources. The challenge is to refine our capacity to love others as well as ourselves and to develop the power of forgiveness. " ~ Caroline Myss ~

What's Holding You Back?

"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not."  ~Unknown .... 

"Don't focus on what's holding you back, but what's already there."  ~Kathryn Budig

That is not to suggest you shouldn't also examine what your limitations are and why they are limitations; only that you shouldn't be debilitated by any such limitations.  Use your strengths to assist you with your weaknesses and at some point they will no longer be weaknesses.

"It's never too late to be who you might have been."  ~George Eliot

Stuck Between A Rock And A Hard Place

Sometimes life can be a tricky wicket and sometimes sticky to boot! Finding yourself between obstacles and seemingly impossible choices can be defeating....First, take a deep breath. Ask yourself if you are doing everything in your power and control to impact the situation. If the answer is "yes" then ask if there is more that you can do. If the answer is "no" then stay the course and have faith, that while you cannot change another or do more than you can do fully that as long as you do not give up or give in, it will work out. Bottom line is this...we can only change ourselves and our circumstances by continually examining ourselves: our thoughts, our actions, our contributions. When we fall into defeat or laziness is exactly when we accept the worst possible outcome. We are always responsible for ourselves and ourselves only! We are not responsible for the thoughts, actions, or consequences of others. Applying the "Golden Rule" here is to relinquish the false presumption of any control outside of ourselves and just be responsible for YOU! If you are thinking and acting in accordance with treating others in thought and action as you would have them treat you, then all is well even if the circumstances are less than desirable in the moment. 

Things 1, 2, and...

Those precious little beings we call our children can be quite a taxing handful at times for sure! Somehow when you're at your limit is when they can be at their worst. Why? Well, they pick up on our anxiety, fears, turmoil better than most adults and their response to this usually is to act out and mirror those very feelings we have. Talking with your kids when you're struggling helps not only mitigate their anxiety about what you are going through, but teaches them how to cope as they develop. Your children are not trying to break you. They appreciate all you do for them, but they are children and do not always know how to "deal" with what they are feeling. Snapping at them or arguing with them on their level is never going to get you or them in any kind of a better state. Each moment is a teaching moment for you to demonstrate to them the behavior they should have and the ways for which they should cope. Know that whatever behaviors you demonstrate will be the very ones they mirror and develop!

Vacant or Filled?

Do you know what fulfills you? Let's ask this: What do you do to fulfill yourself, balance yourself, center yourself? If your response doesn't include one or more of the following, then you are most likely vacating life/circumstances instead of participating: Intellect / Spirit / Body 

What do I mean by this? Well simply put, if you are doing pleasurable and albeit happy things like vegging out to television, internet, a good book, etc., then you are taking a mental vacation which is to say vacating your life. Vacations are great and important, but have their place and shouldn't ever be in place of intellectual, spiritual, or body fulfillment.

In order to actually center and be balanced (self fulfilled), you need to be engaged and working in the present on at least one or more of these areas, and ideally all three. Consider your brain, as an example, as you would the muscles in your body. Just like a muscle, your brain can atrophy from not being exercised. Same with your spirit...it will wither from not being fed. It's a vicious cycle between your thoughts and actions if you are not fulfilled and centered that will pull you further and further away from true happiness.

Find what makes your heart sing and your thoughts flood with excitement and your soul dance and DO that daily!!!

Thoughts = Work = Outcome

So you have good thoughts. That's step one for sure, but thoughts like intentions require work to produce outcome. It's not enough to say for example that "I want to lose weight." ... You have to also do the work involved in losing that weight. The thought process should be:

1) I'm grateful to be alive and happy with the body I have. Gratitude of what you do have is very important because you are alive. Regardless of what health struggles or pain you have, know it could always be worse....BUT with a grateful heart, it will get better! If you are mired down in the woe is me place of the struggles, your struggles will remain and multiply.

2) I WILL lose weight. It's vital that you say the "wills" and "cans" in place of the wishes, hopes, dreams, maybes...Because the other side of hope is "can't" and puts no forward motion in doing and achieving. There isn't going to be a fairy godmother granting your wishes! You are going to have to DO!

3) Plan and Action! Plan out how you are going to achieve your success in what you acknowledge you CAN receive and then go about executing that plan by DOing! 

Bootstrap Up

What does it mean to "bootstrap up"? Well simply put it means to stop the sniveling and buck the f up! Pausing to assess a matter or even to feel bad about a matter is one thing, but staying in that woe is me place for too long and to what end? To grab your bootstraps and march means to realize that solutions to problems don't arise in the complaining but in the "working" towards resolution. Bootstrapping is working and not as a martyr either. Realize that nothing good comes from an ill conceived plan or a sloppy execution or a victim mentality. It doesn't matter who sees you do the work or even who knows why you did it. Get in, get dirty, get it done and move forward!

Good Begats Good & Bad Begats Bad

"A man's life is what his thoughts make of it." ~Marcus Aurelius

So let's say you wake up and say to yourself in dread of the day that "today is going to be horrible." Do you think you have any chance of anything more than a horrible day? Nope! What if you have a hard day before you, but you instead say that "today is going to be full of challenges, but I can tackle them all and it is going to be an awesomely rewarding day." Do you think your "can do" attitude and positive mindset will produce the fruits of good efforts and have a balanced happy vibe all throughout the day before you? Absolutely!

We are what we think...plain and simple. If we think negatively and mired down in the "can't" and the  misery, then our expectations will be very much realized. If we think instead in the gratefulness of what we have and positively go forward into the "can" and the happy, then those expectations will not only be realized but very rewarding. Don't be like all the folks of today that seem to find their happiness in their misery, instead be happy and grateful. To be any other way is to remain miserable and nonproductive.

"Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same." ~Francesca Reigler

"A good day is a good day. A bad day is a good story. At the end of the day, it's all good." ~Glennon Melton

True Thinking

"If you are fearful and worried, you are not really thinking. True thinking is free from fear." ~Joseph Murphy, Ph.D., D.D.

So ya, if you think about it, if your mind is filled with fearful and/or negative thoughts how can you possibly truly "think" through a situation, problem, or concern. Quieting the mind is definitely the first order of business to arriving at a solution to anything. Remove the fear element so you can work through the facts and strategies to get from point A to point B. Thinking negatively and in terms of "can't" will keep you from all the "can" of any situation. Removing all the negatives, being grateful for what you do have, looking at logical solutions to the situation at hand, and having a "can do" attitude about tackling the solution to which you've arrived, anything then becomes possible!

"Fear is not real, it is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me; danger is very real. But fear is a choice." ~Will Smith

Embrace Each Moment Given

We are not promised any length of time in these flesh bodies. We have no idea what tomorrow brings. Time is precious for sure, but we consistently have to be reminded by just how much. Explaining this to my two young children during the passing of our beloved family dog this past week, it was a fine balance of teaching them not to fear the unknown but to embrace it. Our loved ones are unique and irreplaceable and to be valued every day they are given us. Being impeccable with our word and our actions is the only way to not squander the time we have. Each day is a gift both to live as well as to show our love to those in our lives.

I've experienced many different losses of loved ones and the one constant, regardless of the circumstances of loss is this: What's remembered are the things not said, not appreciated when we had the chance, not done. Life is short and when it is over, it won't be all the inconsequential "stuff" that got done before getting to what really matters that will be thought, but all of the moments lost to the inconsequential "stuff". Life is messy and can be a struggle, but even in the struggles don't forget about the moments that need to be embraced while you have an opportunity to embrace them!

Accentuate The Postitive

Negative mindset = Negative outcomes ... every time! Accentuate the positive with gratitude for what you do have and positive outcomes abound ... every time! Example: Lack of time ... So here is one everyone struggles with: lack of time to get tasks done at work, at home & lack of quality time with family, friends, and self. First, don't waste time you do have in front of the television or on the internet mindlessly soothing or procrastinating. It's one thing to watch television as a conscious allotment of time for self, but it's entirely another thing to waste time mindlessly and then regretting what you could have done with that time instead. Use the time you have to tackle the stuff you can realistically get done and let go of what couldn't get done as lamenting the "can'ts" is the very mindset that will only bog you down in negative results. If you go into a day with the gratitude of having another day before you that you "can" do a, b, and c, you will get so much more accomplished than if the entire time you are fretting how impossible it all is. Same with quality time...sure, it'd be nice to have unlimited time with the ones you love, but the reality is we have finite time so make the best out of what you have in the moments you have them. Rather than regretting not spending more time with your kids, make the most out of the time you do have, by actually mindfully engaging them in conversations. An "all in" conversation with a loved one means more than countless hours of mindless presence in their company.

What's Love?

So how do you define love?  Is it a feeling, an action, a thought, or somewhere between all three?  Can you feel love in the absence of growth?  Can love die simply from inaction?  If you truly love someone can that love truly ever die?  Can you love someone you dislike?  You think you know the answers to these questions?   Well maybe…..but what if everything you thought you knew was not reality?  What if your perception was slightly askew and what you thought unconditional love wasn’t in fact unconditional?  What if, unconditional love was something more, something greater than what you have yet experienced?  What if you never really have experienced such love, but found out how you could?

As children we are thought to receive unconditional love from our parents.  Ask yourself this, how dysfunctional was the household in which you grew up?  To some degree every household is dysfunctional, but depending upon the level of dysfunction determines the level of conditions placed on the amount of love received.  There is a level of trust and boundaries that get broken in childhood depending upon the parents’ healthy boundaries and mental/emotional functionality that sets the foundation for how those children will grow up and love, be loved, and choose love…How “conditional” the love they provide to others or receive from others.  An example would be parents who are boundaryless and invade their children’s emotions by dictating how the child should feel with the unspoken understanding that if the child didn’t adhere and shut down their natural feelings they would not be accepted and therefore loved.

As adults we find ourselves in relationships, whether friendships or love partnerships, that we would like to think are unconditional….but most of the time are not.  Ask yourself this, how many “pass/fail” requirements are in your relationships?  How quick are you to judge your friends or lovers if they say or perform for you?  Are your relationships one sided or go both ways?  An example would be a friend who you always know will be there for you, check on you, take care of you, but because your needs are met in the relationship it never occurs to you whether you are doing the same for the other person….Once that friend gets fed up with the one sided relationship stops their overfunctioning role and you get mad and question the friendship…never once really looking at the part you played in it. 

Conditions come in all shapes and sizes and in all forms of function or dysfunction.  Boundaries are important in all relationships at all ages and in fact are necessary to maintain a solid, healthy relationship.  Boundaries should be established and verbalized and maintained.  Boundaries are not however conditions of love but conditions of relationship.  Conditional love is a whole other ball of fun.  Someone having to perform certain acts in order to hold your love is not real love.

Where Is YOUR Head?

Did you know that your thoughts dictate your actions?  Seems pretty basic.  So if you know that, why are you not applying it?  Here's what I mean.....If you are looking through magazines, blogs, PINS, etc., searching out yummy desserts and recipes are you really doing yourself any favors here?  Your body and actions are going to follow whatever you are mentally focused on.  Same holds true with your "can't" vocabulary.  If you tell yourself you "can't" do something, you most likely won't be able to so why are you limiting yourself?  If however, you say I am going to try to do something or that you are going to do something, you most likely will!  Figure out what you truly want in life and what your next set of goals are, and that's what you should go about focusing on so you can obtain them!!!!

Bogged Down

When you find yourself mired in the muck and can't find a way to free yourself from "it"...whatever "it" is, the first thing to realize is that wallowing around in the muck isn't going to get you anywhere but further stuck. Wallowing in your situation only becomes a pity party which further prevents you from a better situation. Take all the "can'ts" out of it and do what you can do until a solution becomes evident.  Sometimes the solution is simply you moving forward even if that's just a tiny baby step at a time.  

Negative Self Talk

What's more defeating than a negative word from another?  A negative thought from oneself.  Words matter and a comment from someone either friend or foe or stranger can infiltrate our very soul if we allow it.  The harm comes though when we don't work through the negative in the moment but instead harbor it like it's a pet.  Negative self talk becomes our reality if we harbor it long enough.  For example, telling yourself that you can't do something does in fact prevent you from doing it.  Negative self talk becomes self fulling prophecy after a time.  We limit ourselves far more than any circumstance or outside person or influence ever will.

So someone tells you something negative about you....First, who is this person to you and under what circumstance was the negative spoken?  Sure there are things we need to hear about ourselves to grow.  We are not talking about constructive criticism here.  Someone spewing their self doubt onto  you though is a totally different beast.  Discerning why it was said and thinking through the validity of both the statement and person's reasons for saying it is how you can work through whether it should be considered further or tossed to the curb of waste.  Inviting the garbage to hang around in our thoughts rather than immediately disposing of it lends to self doubt then negative self talk.  

Intention

We can "intend" a lot of things in life.  We can intend to be straight "A" students or to adhere to all of our New Years' Resolutions, but the intention is meaningless if the actions don't correspond.  A straight "A" student for example doesn't get straight As because they desire or intend to, but then not put in the work involved in actually "earning" straight As.  Intentions are mere dreams for the best life or attitude or outcome of any situation or circumstance if we do not then also plan and act on the intention itself.  It matters not what an intention is or was if there is/was no work involved to procure the outcome intended.  That said, we have no control over anyone but ourselves, so being true to ourselves, our word, our actions and our intentions through corresponding action is all we can do in any given moment.  Actions do in fact speak louder than words and mean more than what was "intended".   

Clean It Up x 5

Top Five Areas to be Clean:

1) Relationships
2) Self (body & mind)
3) Food
4) Home
5) Work

What does it mean to be "clean" in these top five areas?  Well simply put, don't do anything in any of these areas that you do not intend.  Intention is first and foremost, especially with your word.  Do not react!  Think first, breathe first, then with intention and honesty to both yourself, your word, and the other party respond (or in some cases, don't respond).  Intention without corresponding action is just wishes.  How does "intention" apply to food?  By planning and being purposeful and cognizant about what you are putting into your body, you are applying the principle of intention.  Consistency would have to be a close second to intention in that you won't get any one thing perfect any or all of the time, but trying to make the next best decision/act each moment that is presented to you, will get you as close as humanly possible to balance and dare I say (softly) perfection.  There are others, but if you are practicing and applying the first two principles in living a clean and purposeful life the others will naturally and effortlessly fall into place and balance!