Reminder On Control and Impeccability

Universal Laws

Universal Laws (i.e., laws of nature) are proven and always occur. Take Newton's Third Law of Motion, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Gravity, etc., are occurrences in nature that happen time and again. People's behavior is little different. If a person acts towards another with aggression, the other person will react in an equal opposite way. The level of reaction is determined by the person, but a reaction will occur whether it be aggressive, passive aggressive, passive, or what have you. Repeated actions can cause a change in reaction, but still a reaction will happen. Application of the Golden Rule in accompaniment with Universal Laws insures functionality in behavior.

The Golden Rule is in words and actions. It is also more than the surface of "treating others as you would like to be treated" .... You have to take it all the way through the meaning of temporary and how you would truly accept being talked to and treated in action. This includes how we treat ourselves as well as how we treat others!

How The Pyramid of Functional Behavior Flows

So in the Rules for Functional Living post the individual categories were outlined. Note that they should flow top to bottom and never in reverse. Example being that a House Rule should never break (impede) Universal Law.

Rules For Functional Living

In thinking through how to teach children the difference between their personal preference of greatly disliking broccoli and the house rule of having to eat it for dinner not being a violation of their identity versus a friend manipulating them into going against themselves and their boundaries is. I present you with the following.

1.    Universal Laws are true laws in nature and defined by God. To keep these laws, one must simply and always apply the Golden Rule of treating others as they would wish to be treated. Be true to your word and your actions as such.

2.    Identity is your true self. Protection of both your identity and those around you is paramount in keeping with the adherence of Universal Law.

3.    Boundaries are the border of self-protection; the emotional space that you allow or disallow others to participate. Boundaries never violate the Universal Laws, nor do they violate your Identity or the Identity of others.

4.   House Rules are the foundation of the governing body where you reside. House Rules should never impede upon your Boundaries or your Identity and as such will never break Universal Laws.

5.    Preferences are simply your personal likes and dislikes. Preferences have to stay within the appropriate infrastructure created by Universal Laws, yours/others Identity, yours/others Boundaries, and House Rules.

6.   Peer Pressure is never okay in manipulating to gain one’s own desires or against oneself or another. Asking for a desire in compliance with Universal Laws, yours/others Identity, yours/others Boundaries, House Rules, and Preferences is good communication as long as once rejected or accepted is honored and not coerced. Always being true to the Golden Rule is key in steering away from the bad of Peer Pressure. Always being true to your Identity and Boundaries is key in keeping from performing under unspoken Peer Pressure.

Friend or Foe?

All the people you know are not your friends. How do you know who your true friends are? Well, it's as simple as one, two, three, four. Ask yourself these questions:

1. Do you have to think through what you are going to say to a person before speaking to them? We're not talking about a "special" conversation where you are debating tact. We are talking about every conversation has to be weighed and measured and filtered before you can talk with them. Weighing how they are going to receive what you say, and then how they are going to overreact to whatever it is. Basically, altering you being able to be you fully and functionally and instead having to treat them like a delicate flower who could wilt without special care of their ego. Just say no to these hot house lilies...unless of course you enjoy being a masochistic codependent.
2. Is this person only available to you when they have needs that need to be met? If you find yourself only getting called when your services are demanded, then this is not a friendship. It is a contractor relationship. If you're not getting paid & 1099'd for your services, then opt out of this one sided pro bono. Charitable assistance is great, but being a permanent dial-o-codependent is not the same thing.
3. Are you constantly having to explain yourself to a self-appointed "judge"? Meddlers are everywhere, but they don't have to be in your friend circle. You're not throwing stones at their glass house nor should you accept the stones of unasked for advice and judgement from another. Just hand them your shoes and send them on their walk away from you. 
4. Are the majority of your conversations about other people's life/drama? The "gossip" isn't a friend. They are simply going from peep to peep gathering more "news" to report. If they are gossiping to you, they are most definitely gossiping about you, and it's not the good kind of PR they are spreading! Participating in this doesn't make you a good friend either, so rehab yourself away from this tittle-tattle.

Friendship is a two way street. A true friend values your uniqueness, accepts your choices, honors your boundaries, protects your identity by not violating it, is respectful of your time, and offers as much as they take from you. Choose friends carefully and then cherish them functionally. 

People We Know

There are the people we are either born to or adopted by, and they are our family. Family isn’t always good to keep close on the whole or part depending on who they are to us. If they are abusive or dysfunctional or personality disordered, then the degree to which we keep them close or at a distance depends on how harmful their behaviors are to us. Then there are the school mates, neighbors, organizations, and coworker people for which the level of personal interaction depends and changes based on our level of growth and maturity, and on their level of functionality in not being abusers and/or victims in relation to us. School mates, neighbors, organizations, coworkers, and family can end up in the category of acquaintances. Acquaintances are people we know, but have limited interaction with and restricted access to our personal self. Friends are people from anywhere (family, etc.) that have full access to our personal self because we allow them in based on trust and mutual authentic interaction.

More times than not we confuse our acquaintances with our friends, but that is a mistake we at some point should outgrow for our own functional protection. Most of us end up with a spouse and resulting inherited family and offspring (see family). As a result of knowing people from all categories, we end up with foes. Whether friend or foe or the like, we have many “people” who inappropriately meddle in our lives, and if we are not careful, we in turn meddle in theirs.

Knowing who your real friends are versus acquaintances is vital for our self protection and growth. Take stock and discern who you should keep close, who you should keep far, and who you should walk away from going forward. It's not what anyone does for you, but what they do against you that is key. Toxic is toxic no matter the "trade off"!