In observation of others around me, I so often, am reminded how many are "stuck" in themselves. For no other reason than they never think beyond themselves. Listening to the bemoanings of other's lives and "problems" is a part of my day. In almost every case, if they were not so consumed with themselves, their problems wouldn't be problems at all. Solutions abound in thinking outside of just the self. Comfort and feeling good about ourselves is great, but not when that is all we think about or believe we deserve. Take a deep breath and consider that you are not all there is that is important in any given situation. Consider the other person(s) or situation and you'd be surprised how easy the solution appears.
An easy example to look at would be a mother who gets annoyed at the interruption of her task by a child seeking her attention. The child might completely disregard the mother's request to pay attention to her child's ushering momentarily. The child then hurt begins to get louder and more interruptive. The mother in turn loses her patience and it escalates from there. This then becomes a pattern that repeats time and again. Solution: The mother temporarily stops what she is doing to hear the child's request in the first place rather than putting the child off with a "just a minute, when I'm done" reply. The child is seeking her for a reason, and usually not just because of the "thing they are presenting" for her to do. A lot of times my kids will come to me when I'm in the middle of something to get me to listen to a story or play a game or whatever it is ... after I had already told them on the front end that I was going to do whatever task and would be tied up for just a bit. Sure, I would prefer to just get the task accomplished, but in stopping, and not just thinking about what I want or need, I can take a moment to listen to what they are actually needing. Sometimes they just want to be involved in what I am doing because it makes them feel special or like they are helping me. Sometimes it's because they have something bothering them that they are not completely comfortable just telling me and have brought a "cover" to get me to engage them so they can get comfortable talking to me about it. There are a whole host of reasons your children disregard your wishes, and even if it is just because they are being children and disregarding you, by taking a moment to find out and then teach them appropriate behavior, you are showing your children that their voice is important in all cases. The time this takes is brief and prevents the whole downturn of negative reinforcement. You can then get back to your task, with the added benefit that your child knows they are important. Even though you are going to finish your task before fulfilling their further needs, you allowed them to be heard. In turn they learn boundaries with the loving way they have been enforced.
An easy example to look at would be a mother who gets annoyed at the interruption of her task by a child seeking her attention. The child might completely disregard the mother's request to pay attention to her child's ushering momentarily. The child then hurt begins to get louder and more interruptive. The mother in turn loses her patience and it escalates from there. This then becomes a pattern that repeats time and again. Solution: The mother temporarily stops what she is doing to hear the child's request in the first place rather than putting the child off with a "just a minute, when I'm done" reply. The child is seeking her for a reason, and usually not just because of the "thing they are presenting" for her to do. A lot of times my kids will come to me when I'm in the middle of something to get me to listen to a story or play a game or whatever it is ... after I had already told them on the front end that I was going to do whatever task and would be tied up for just a bit. Sure, I would prefer to just get the task accomplished, but in stopping, and not just thinking about what I want or need, I can take a moment to listen to what they are actually needing. Sometimes they just want to be involved in what I am doing because it makes them feel special or like they are helping me. Sometimes it's because they have something bothering them that they are not completely comfortable just telling me and have brought a "cover" to get me to engage them so they can get comfortable talking to me about it. There are a whole host of reasons your children disregard your wishes, and even if it is just because they are being children and disregarding you, by taking a moment to find out and then teach them appropriate behavior, you are showing your children that their voice is important in all cases. The time this takes is brief and prevents the whole downturn of negative reinforcement. You can then get back to your task, with the added benefit that your child knows they are important. Even though you are going to finish your task before fulfilling their further needs, you allowed them to be heard. In turn they learn boundaries with the loving way they have been enforced.
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