Day 17 Why The Debate?

"Pearls before swine" much? Harsh I know, but here's the thing....if you're dug into your side and the person you are verbally throwing down in debate is dug into their side....exactly what is being accomplished here? Whether it is politics, religion, eating habits, relationship stuffs, etc., you are not going to change someone's mind by being the loudest in the conversation. Nope, never, not once! If anything, you just make the other person dig in deeper to their view of things. Try this instead: Have a conversation, but if the other person is a horse's ass, then listen for what and where they are....toss in some lines of truth, but don't debate them....and walk away when you can as it's really all you can do to not also become a horse's ass. It's not up to you to change anyone...just work on yourself and let the chips fall where they may regarding another's journey. And besides, you may be wrong in your current view of the truth. That's the real rub, for to concentrate on truth, you have to be willing to look at all sides and not stay just beholden to what you've always thought. You may be right .... but you may be wrong.....(life in song is always the best...name that tune)!

Day 16 Hope vs Faith

Hope is not faith. Faith is believing in something is going to be just because you know it will. Hope is thinking something might be just because you really wish it would. You can have faith in something and be let down and disappointed. That's the punch with faith....Unless, you realize that we were sprinkling hopeful wishes in with our faith. Faith and hope go hand in hand all too often, and the setbacks can be very damaging when we do this without dissecting which is which. Know that just because you really want something to be the reality doesn't make it so, it makes it hopeful. Hope gets crushed when it doesn't come to fruition. But, sometimes not getting what we hoped for gets us to a better more real place in faith!

Day 15 Measuring Progress

Measuring progress of any kind can be tricky. Sometimes it's even unmeasurable regardless of time put into it. I am a very goal oriented person, and like anyone, I like to see the fruits of my labor. So try this, don't let the visible outcome be what you strive for most....Rather, let the focus be on your "balance factor". How do you feel with your habit changes? Better, worse, indifferent. If you feel "less than" when changing a lifestyle factor/habit, then you need to assess the why. Do you feel ick because of external factors, or because you don't see the point, or because you expected more unicorns from your efforts??? Sometimes we put too much emphasis on magical occurrences because we have arrived at a change of habits/heart/mind/actions that was particularly challenging for us to reach. Your change, provided it's for the betterment of you for solid reasons, should be reward enough. Your internal dialogue should be yang'ng all over the place; but if not, then something might be amiss. You might be changing for external factors (to please someone, etc.) and not for the right reasons. It could just be that you feel you are having to meet/reach some standard you (or some idea of you from an external force) has put on you. Either way, you need to find a corner and sort through it. Measure your progress by how balanced you feel in the unseen of it all!

Day 13 & 14 Actions Through Change

Making lifestyle changes of any kind regardless of physical or mental changes are not always visible (not always externally noticeable). The difference made within ourselves isn't always measurable outwardly for long periods of time. If you're in the place of needing others' acceptance or approval, then this can sidetrack your sticking with any such change. Know that real change is in both perspective and action. Real change based on outside reinforcement isn't going to be long lasting change(s), and your default lifestyle will be what will remain your situation. For better habits (physical and thought), shift your motivations from needing ego boosts from others to that of simply doing what you've determined is healthy for you without 'atta boys'. Once you let go of that ego in the wind mindset, your lifestyle changes will be much more attainable without burden.

Day 12 Roll With It

The rip roaring tidal waves of life can drown us if we don't learn to roll with them. Fighting against the challenges of life is a natural instinct, but not one that serves us in any real way. Just go with the flow regardless of how violent that flow might be and we come out of it much better. And, by going with the flow, I mean be flexible enough to tackle what is before us without letting it destroy our progress and derail our boundaries/self in the process. 

Day 11 Oversharing

Because of the household I grew up in, where we weren't allowed to share our truth (about us or anything going on with us in our household), I almost overshare because I can. In adulthood, it is very important to me to be who I am with everyone and not have the inside the house self vs what the outside world gets to see self, like how I grew up (typical of emotionally or physically abusive homes). In the past year, I've come to realize that me being opened about who I am, and my experiences, isn't oversharing. Why? Because there is a lot I don't say or share. Not because I'm hiding anything, but because my whole self is not something everyone gets to be a part of, or is entitled to. What I mean by this is not everyone is invited to your whole life/soul. You get to decide what parts of you to share and how many details for which you share with the world (people around you). You have your close circle for whom you know you can trust your whole self with, and for everyone outside that circle, their behavior dictates how and what you disclose. Not everyone is trustworthy or has your interest at heart, and no one is entitled to all your footnotes. It is an honor when we are invited in to someone's circle. That honor should be protected! Adherence to boundaries, functional appropriateness, and trust are the hallmarks for such an honor. 

Day 10 Battle Scars

We all have external "scars" that reflect those deeper internal ones. I've been through the mindset in the past of trying to hide such scars (issues) as if there is some shame to having them. Sure they make me flawed, but I am flawed. Sure they make me less "airbrushed" acceptable, but everyone is. My scars tell the story of my life, and are my well-earned badges for overcoming struggles, or just of life lived. Surgery scars, accident scars, disease affliction, stretch marks, etc., all tell our stories.

For example, I have vitiligo, which is an autoimmune that has a visible element to it, in that it bleaches out my skin permanently in random patterns all over my body. When I was a child, I was always olive skinned tan year round. This wasn't from "tanning", but from old school playing outside constantly. My daughter takes after me in her outdoor preferences and tanned, freckled face appearance. For years after getting vitiligo, I purposely kept from getting tan, and therefore not outside as much as I would like, because the paler I stay, the less the vitiligo is noticeable. Silly! I love being outside, and I love the freckles I get when I'm outdoors and tan from activity. It reminds me of the good of my childhood. To stay away from something I love just to make a disease I have less obvious is no longer something I'm willing to do. Life is too short to hide anything about us, especially when we can find joy in the hard of it all. My vitiligo "scars" are part of where I've been. Tan or not, I have been through and overcome. I'm not hiding what my body has been through in my many battles and experiences. My "scars" are my badges earned.