Friday, November 6, 2015

Stepping Back To Step Forward

It's so difficult to know when we are surrounded by impossibilities knowing when to step back versus trudging forward. I was brought up with a strong work ethic intertwined with a whole lot of dysfunctional non healthy codependent expectations, so for the majority of my life I chose just to trudge through whether it was a good idea or not because to not would be giving up or letting someone down...besides, I could take it as I was strong (willed). That's foolish! I continue to pay some very high prices for being codependent for all of those years.

In every situation, no matter how long the situation has gone on down a bad road, you always have a choice. A choice to decide to do it differently or not at all. Acknowledging that something isn't working out isn't a bad thing, but pretending a bad situation that isn't working out will magically fix itself is a tragic thing. Knowing that sometimes we have to step back or step away permanently is the only way to step forward into a better choice. That better choice may be a better path within the same situation, or it may be abandonment on a situation that wasn't going to ever work because it's not where or how we are supposed to be at that moment in time.

A work example: Being overextended in a particular work environment or career path thinking that it's a means to an end (promotion, favor, success) can be a good option in the short run, but when this piled up dysfunctional imbalance lasts for too long, and we begin to drown in it, then it's time to examine the pros/cons of this particular situation and determine the whys behind the actions, the gains versus the losses, as everything we do comes at some cost to us and to others. Stepping back in such situations can seem like a gamble, but only if you haven't thought it all through. In every choice, make them for the right reasons and own your choice. Know that there are consequences (both good and bad) for every action or nonaction you take (not making a choice is still a choice made...not acting is a choice). Stepping back from dysfunctional over extension (hours, work load, whatever it is) allows for you to step forward in a more productive manner and down a better path. It also could mean less money or loss of promotion, favor, success, or job, so you in your choice you have to decide the whys behind you choosing xyz (health factors, family time, to set boundaries from being misused, sanity, lack of desire in particular job and need to look at other paths, etc.). Sometimes just thinking through all the scenarios and ramifications is all we need to feel good about remaining in a situation we were previously miserable about. 

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