2016

So here we are again, faced with the start of another new year! Resolutions abound to try and promise changes....but why continue the promises and continue to not change? Rather than making resolutions this year, instead make obtainable goals and plans for those goals!!! Whether it's physical or emotional or spiritual or all of the above....stop the cycle of just dreaming change and this year actually make the plans to accomplish real change in your life...You're worth it!!!

Meat vs Shell

Choose to be hardy, to be whole, to be the real deal...all meat! We become whole through self examination and consistently choosing to be who you are...not beholden to what others think of you. We become just a shell of ourselves, devoid of our real selves (real anything) when we shape shift to fit the environment we are in/or the people for which we are surrounded. Better said, we sell pieces of our very souls (personality) when we choose to please or perform or pretend for others because we devalue who we are to stand for who we are. Bottom line, you are doing yourself no favors by faking who you are in any way. If you legitimately don't like something about you because you (yourself) find it undesirable, then by all means (and please) change that thing!!!

Excuses = Lying

If you insist on doing the same bad behaviors over and over, then just own those behaviors as who you are and stop making excuses as if you don't know better. Repeated excuses are not owning your behavior and are just lies we tell either/or ourselves and/or those we are behaving badly towards. If you know better and are just deciding not to do better for whatever reason, then own that's a choice you've made and stop lying about what it is you're doing. 

Worse Than Crying Wolf

You can tell me a yellow flower is purple all day long, but it doesn't make it so. You can tell me all the excuses in the book as to why you always thought it was purple, and then turn it to why you never thought it was purple. Sure we are all blind at times, but consistently talking out of both sides of your mouth to justify yourself or cover your backside is worse than crying wolf and being discerned as untrustworthy. Actions do your talking. Double talking is the tell that you are either manipulative and/or deceitful...So, don't do that thing!

Truth Vs Mean

Truth can be difficult to listen to, but truth is truth however harsh the reality of it. Truth is not mean or malicious. If truth stings, it's a time to reflect, dig, understand, and discern. Make corrections where needed, but not excuses.

Mean is not truth. A certain person comes to mind that I've had the displeasure of interacting. He touts himself as a truth teller and "calling it like it is", but the reality is he's just mean. The majority of what he spews, he does to justify himself and his life choices. The word "jackass" usually leaps to mind when listening to him talk of others. Truth can be harsh, but it is never mean. The folks who legitimately speak truth are typically not cruel in their delivery or intention for if they are they are not speaking entirely truthfully. Truth also never comes in the form of gossip. Gossip is another version and usually intertwined with the mean. Malicious intent (whether from insecurity or manipulation) indicates motive of another kind. 

Insecurity

We all are insecure about (fill in the blank...body, work, abilities, finances, parenting, etc., etc., etc.). The real danger with not getting a grip on reality of your insecurities and putting them into perspective is that you will make long lasting and regrettable decisions based on them. It puts you in a negative approach to whatever you try to do as long as what's leading your decisions is fear and insecurity. 

Defeated

There are those times (short and long) where you just feel defeated at every turn and in everything. Sunk! It's really difficult in those times to put any of any of it into perspective and determine how to keep trying. Sunk 'n' Drowning is the general feeling. Here's what I know about it....it sucks! Beyond that, getting quiet and still and just feeling through it before figuring anything concrete out is usually necessary. I'm not saying to set up for an epic pity party....I'm saying it's okay to fall to pieces before you can rebuild the broken pieces. Fighting the defeat only prolongs the drowning. Think of it as allowing your conscious and subconscious mind to feel what it's feeling before trying to determine what's reality and putting everything in perspective to determine how to "fix" whatever it is.

A Reminder

Just a reminder of what this blog is about....my blog and my purpose:

As one walks through life and makes the subtle choices to stagnate and numbly go through life on auto pilot or to grow beyond themselves and thrive beyond their self –imposed boundaries of their current mind, each step of the walk dictates their future circumstances knowingly or unknowingly. The sad truth is, most do not even realize the power they harness for their future by choosing to remain in the comfort of their known abilities. Let’s say that a child is reared up and has only known passive aggressive behavior from their parents and has practiced this behavior through their entire childhood on into their early adulthood. Every relationship, work, friend, or foe will either enhance this learned, continued behavior or it will trigger change. Such a person, for example, can choose to blame struggles at work or at home on other influences or circumstances or they will at some point take accountability for their actions as a cause of outcomes. Self-examinations throughout life are paramount to stepping outside of stagnation.

Your life’s journey is not about who you were yesterday or who you wish you are today or tomorrow, but rather about how and who you are evolving into moment by moment. Very Effective Living offers thoughtful and insightful tips on being your own Life Coach! Embrace you every day, and acknowledge the good with the bad. Be happy with where you are in the present and you will arrive with much more ease at your destinations in the future!

Universal Truths

Not all of anyone’s journey are bad times and lessons to learn. The epiphany that came as I traveled unknowingly down the road to being a personal trainer is one such example. As I began to coach people on their weight loss journeys it was clear to me more and more that each one of us are truly created equal with equal struggles and equal insecurities and that a weight loss journey is not just about weight, but so much more internal struggle. Here are some excerpts of coaching e-mails that might speak to a struggle in your life however big or small (these apply to more than just weight loss...but across the spectrum of life)

I know with school back in this week and this also being the first week of our September Challenge, this has been a “challenging” week for everyone.  I am glad you all managed to hold on to your focus in spite of the obstacles.  Was it a perfect week….NO, but is life perfect….NO.  Neither this challenge, nor your fat loss journey, nor anything in life is about reaching perfection but about doing your perfect best every opportunity you have to do it and understanding what that means.  Your perfect best changes from moment to moment as your circumstances change….but mostly as your understanding of your journey changes.  I was reading an article this morning that said “before you can know something, you first have to learn it; that understanding is necessarily a process of steps; and that this process takes time….everyone has to progress through certain stages of understanding.”  It went on to draw the analogy of learning to play the piano or knit…..one starts out very crudely but with practice and ongoing understanding improves and evolves.  In other words, with each stage of understanding of any craft, profession, or journey the start is always crude and then the destination is always further the closer we get to it because not only does our ability improve and evolve and become less and less crude but also we understand that one’s learning, development….journey is never at an end (as the saying goes, the more you know, the more you realize you need to learn).  So, know that however clumsily any week/effort/workout goes you can learn something from it and move on to the next, better equipped to succeed further.  As this is not about the destination but the journey itself….The destination helps us set goals, but the journey is what makes us who we are and appreciate what we have.  Have a great weekend! 

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Happy Monday!!!

Instead of dreading Monday and another week full of “to-do’s” and “have to’s” use it as your fresh start to correct the missteps of the previous week.  Set your intentions for the week ahead of you, and make a plan for how to accomplish them.  By intentions I don’t mean “intend to do but don’t” or “this is what I’d like to do but don’t see how it will ever happen”…. I mean, contemplate what needs to be done and what you would like to do and set your focus, your heart and mind to doing it.  Your intentions are your direction.  Your plan is your road map on how to get there and accomplish your goals.  Our limits are ever moving as we evolve on our journey.  Let’s set about moving some “limits” this week!!!! 

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Do we ever really reach our limits?  Or as I stated earlier in the week, “our limits are ever moving as we evolve on our journey”?  This is a good question and one I have been pondering the last couple of weeks as I am forever thinking I have reached the limit for which I can tolerate (fill in the blank here), only to realize I clearly haven’t since I always go on beyond what was my then limit.  By limits, I mean anything and everything.  We all have them and sometimes we use them as excuses not to push forward past where we are comfortable or “blocked”.  Being comfortable is important for many obvious reasons, but it is not a healthy place to hide from progress.  Being blocked is not always as simple to recognize.  Sometimes we hold ourselves back from success (whether that be in relationships, business, weight loss, what have you) because we have a mental block holding us back.  If you find yourself stopping yourself, making excuses, sabotaging your own efforts, then you need to step back and really exam what is going on…What is holding you back from moving forward in your journey?  As I said last week, this is about your journey not about your destination.  Use this as an opportunity to breakthrough patterns of self sabotage and move forward truer to yourself.  Our perceived limits and fears are only as tangible as we allow them to be and only as hidden as we bury them.  Face your fears, face your limits, and discover how strong you truly are!  “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” –T.S. Eliot.  

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What is happiness?  The comedian Dennis Leary has said in his stand up that happiness comes in small bursts like a really good cookie….I don’t disagree, but think true happiness is more than just short bursts of pleasure.  I am my happiest for longest periods of time when I am true to myself and honor those around me as well as myself and my intentions.  I think that when we live in balance we are happy.  To me it’s the roller coaster of life unbalanced is what causes the most strife and unhappiness.  To me happiness is not a pair of jeans (albeit that would be that short burst of pleasure previously mentioned) but about living as we believe.  Which brings me to a quote by Paul Bourget that I try to live by:  “We must live as we think, otherwise we shall end up by thinking as we have lived.”  So….Plan your happiness, Practice your happiness, Live your happiness.  Everything in balance and moderation is empowering!!!  Have an empowering Week 3!!!

Onwards & Upwards

Was it easy getting to a positive stream of thought on a consistent and daily basis? No, but it was worth all the trials and tribulations to achieve it!  Life is a funny road of twists and turns, pitfalls and pedestals.  Time and again the road I was on took a sharp turn to what felt like nowhere and sometimes despair. Today I have understanding and positivity that eluded me in my younger years. When we check ourselves, we realize in times of trouble just how deeply desperate and ugly things can become. Just as our bodies do not remember pain or appreciate our good health and working parts until one is not in such good working order…Our souls and mind forget how sunshine is just around the corner on our darkest days. However trite it seems….”this too shall pass” and pass it shall. Grab your boot straps and pull yourself up and move onwards and upwards!! This is not to say that there are not still the trials and tribulations of life, just that I now have the skills and perspective necessary to contend with each and every one I am faced.  The journey I am on continues to be one of self discovery, and one I am happy to share with you in hopes it in some way helps you on yours!!!