First, we all have issues and struggles that we are going through, working through. It's never okay to be inappropriate and/or abusive to another because of what you are going through in life!!! Situation in point, as an example:
I am a personal fitness trainer and interact with all kinds of folks going through all kinds of struggles. I accept a certain level of negative interaction because I understand that as people struggle through insecurities and hardships that they need a certain amount of latitude in those struggles. It can be taxing at times as I have my own "stuff" I'm struggling with, and having another encroach on my emotional boundaries adds a level of negativity that harms me. What's not allowed, or ever okay, is when someone abuses that latitude as a way to consistently feel better about themselves. Recently, I was faced with finally drawing a line with a particular client because of such an abuse of our relationship. Being verbally abusive, negative, derogatory, demeaning, etc., at another's expense is never okay for any reason! Doing so to make yourself feel better and okay is never appropriate! Accepting someone else's habitual (especially escalating) inappropriate behavior is not okay for any reason! Neither I, nor anyone, is ever helping the other person by allowing them to be inappropriate.
I am a personal fitness trainer and interact with all kinds of folks going through all kinds of struggles. I accept a certain level of negative interaction because I understand that as people struggle through insecurities and hardships that they need a certain amount of latitude in those struggles. It can be taxing at times as I have my own "stuff" I'm struggling with, and having another encroach on my emotional boundaries adds a level of negativity that harms me. What's not allowed, or ever okay, is when someone abuses that latitude as a way to consistently feel better about themselves. Recently, I was faced with finally drawing a line with a particular client because of such an abuse of our relationship. Being verbally abusive, negative, derogatory, demeaning, etc., at another's expense is never okay for any reason! Doing so to make yourself feel better and okay is never appropriate! Accepting someone else's habitual (especially escalating) inappropriate behavior is not okay for any reason! Neither I, nor anyone, is ever helping the other person by allowing them to be inappropriate.
Agreed. In the middle of that kind of relationship, it can be hard to see the difference between normal latitude and abusive behavior. I can recognize this as a 3rd party reading your story. Having an example of that consistent, escalating, derogatory behavior that's used to make the abuser feel better about themselves is a great resource to apply to other relationships.
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