So life happens! We (hopefully) grow continuously and as a result sometimes beyond those with whom we are in relationship. If a relationship becomes dysfunctional and frayed because of being unequally yoked due to lack of dual growth and the other person(s) involved are unwilling or seemingly incapable of growing or "catching up", what do you do? Well, all that's a whole other topic for another day, but if you find yourself "stuck" in an unhealthy relationship (family, friends, marriage), ask yourself if you are fighting to stay there for the right reasons. Is it as simple as changing the boundaries and dynamics of the relationship and working through the roughness, or is the relationship truly over? Are you fighting to stay out of comfort and convenience or are you fighting to stay for real love and the possibility for function? Some truly misconstrue love for just what is familiar and comfortable. Familiarity and comfort are wonderful, but if that is all there truly is then struggle and dysfunction is what you are going to continue to have.
I find your posts to be perfectly timed. I just had a series of conversations with a close friend... well, close in that we used to be close and have dropped to casual contact and visits a couple times a year. This was a typical, slowly drifting apart that happened over many years due to lack of geographic closeness.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, what I found was this friend not accepting the direction I've grown, and it started a conflict between us. Looking over it, it seems like my journey has made them feel uncomfortable with the rut they've settled into. Rather than encouraging me, they took the route of projecting their feelings of regret onto me, and essentially telling me I needed to give up the growth I've achieved and return to the shallow water where they feel more comfortable.
Is this another definition for a dysfunctional relationship? Where one party doesn't just refuse to grow with you, but actively resents (on some level) where I've gotten to? In this situation, the relationship isn't "over"... but it is certainly no longer anything resembling what it should be. Nor do I think it's necessary for me to drag this unwilling participant along.
I guess maybe there are times to cut ties. Not to reject someone out of your life, not to prevent them from the relationship they're comfortable with. But not to allow them to sabotage the path I'm on.