Tough love time ;-) You are not "entitled" to anything, but your thoughts and feelings. You're not even entitled to oxygen. You need oxygen to live, but you're not entitled to it, and that's the difference. It's the perspective of knowing what you need vs want vs the demand of entitlement that trips us up in how we wade through life and relationships. Think about that for a moment! How many times has your energy spiraled into all kinds of dark corners and bad places because you've worked yourself up into a lather about a hardship because you felt it was owed you? If you are in a situation where your boundaries are being violated, then enforce your boundaries. Don't expect the violator to suddenly have an awakening that they are harming you.
An example: A couple who has been married for decades (so older children of parents living multiple states away) with established life, career, and small children of their own. The mother of one member of the couple routinely insists on visits from the couple (and grandchildren) based on her schedule and whim. No request, just a demand. If her demand is politely denied by the couple, she attacks the merits by which she is denied. She guilts them based on her entitlement as "the mother" and grandmother and how long she was in labor with said child. She feels entitled to them following her needs and wants and desires regardless of boundaries or others' feelings or schedules involved. The couple feels entitled to their right of refusal.
You cannot change another person in thought or action! You can only change you....period and end of story. You and only you can establish and enforce healthy thought, behavior, and boundaries. "The mother" in the example above does not consider or even think anyone outside of herself is important, or even valid, and for that will never receive more than resentment at forcing her will of entitlement onto others. The couple would freely visit her, if their boundaries were not always violated. This is not a functional or caring relationship in which anyone benefits. When dealing with an abuser of boundaries who do not think beyond their own selfish beings, you cannot change the way in which they behave or react to you. You can only change how you "dance" with them. Hopefully, they will behave differently in the future based upon your loving care of enforcing boundaryful functional relationship interactions. But, if not, at least you've adhered to what is necessary to not be victimized.
It would be great if The Golden Rule was how everyone behaved, but come on that's not how it goes. Just because other folks don't do what they should, is no reason for you to feel entitled to special "woe is me rights" because you do. Be thankful for being you and for knowing and doing better....you are not entitled to anything else anyway!
An example: A couple who has been married for decades (so older children of parents living multiple states away) with established life, career, and small children of their own. The mother of one member of the couple routinely insists on visits from the couple (and grandchildren) based on her schedule and whim. No request, just a demand. If her demand is politely denied by the couple, she attacks the merits by which she is denied. She guilts them based on her entitlement as "the mother" and grandmother and how long she was in labor with said child. She feels entitled to them following her needs and wants and desires regardless of boundaries or others' feelings or schedules involved. The couple feels entitled to their right of refusal.
You cannot change another person in thought or action! You can only change you....period and end of story. You and only you can establish and enforce healthy thought, behavior, and boundaries. "The mother" in the example above does not consider or even think anyone outside of herself is important, or even valid, and for that will never receive more than resentment at forcing her will of entitlement onto others. The couple would freely visit her, if their boundaries were not always violated. This is not a functional or caring relationship in which anyone benefits. When dealing with an abuser of boundaries who do not think beyond their own selfish beings, you cannot change the way in which they behave or react to you. You can only change how you "dance" with them. Hopefully, they will behave differently in the future based upon your loving care of enforcing boundaryful functional relationship interactions. But, if not, at least you've adhered to what is necessary to not be victimized.
It would be great if The Golden Rule was how everyone behaved, but come on that's not how it goes. Just because other folks don't do what they should, is no reason for you to feel entitled to special "woe is me rights" because you do. Be thankful for being you and for knowing and doing better....you are not entitled to anything else anyway!
Very well said
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