If you now have that song in your head, my apologies and a few giggles..... Feelings are very important as indicators of what's going on within and without us. It's even more important to understand that staying in certain feelings too long is an indicator of something "within". Grief aside, as we all grieve in different time frames and that's a tale for another day. Let's deal now with a few feelings that you might need to understand in order to better work through them. Note, this is not an all inclusive list, but the core:
Anger and Resentment: If you are angry and/or resentful, knowing why is the first step to resolution. Questions to ask yourself: 1) Do you feel trapped? 2) Are your boundaries being violated? 3) Are you being taken advantage of and misused? 4) Did you not get your way? If yes to 1-3, then the way you work through is to acknowledge the reality of the situation and reestablish your boundaries and behavior. You won't be able to change anything in the circumstance initially other than your behavior and perspective. What will follow is the other person(s) or entity's reaction at your push back. Deep breath because this is where enforcing what is right is not always easiest, but still very much necessary to get you from anger/resentment to peace and balance. If yes to 4, then examine if "your way" is you being of an "entitled" mindset. Is what you are wanting and not receiving even yours to receive? Why? What part are you playing in you not receiving? If you're simply having a tantrum over something you are not in fact entitled to receive, then stomp your foot, irnk, and then get over it already as life is too short. Figure out a way to obtain the "want" that you earn or figure out a way to move on to something else.
Sad/Hurt and Despair: Outside of grief (death, relationship, job), the same process and variables from above can apply, but additionally: 1) Are you feeling this from a lack of self worth? 2) Are you feeling this from a lack of direction or know how? 3) Are you feeling hopeless and helpless? So if yes to 1-4 above (Anger/Resentment), then follow those to get out of your hole. If yes to 1-3 here, then know that nothing good ever comes from a pity party. Know that our self worth is not determined by another person, entity, or the success or failure from anything. Our self worth is the product of who we are at our core being. It is something you have to embrace and acknowledge. We are all flawed, but it's about the flaws and the gifts/abilities that make us perfectly us and unique. There is not another soul just like you and you are a blessing to this world in your way. Camping out in victim land is not going to be a good use of you and what you have to offer. Regardless of what has been "done to you", being a victim of your circumstances is still very much in your power to change and redefine. Seek help, if you need tools to move past where you are....friends, family, books, therapy. Take a deep breath and know that you are worth so much more than drowning in despair.
Jealousy: Well this is a fun one for sure. Ask yourself why you are looking at what others or someone in particular has in the first place...and why you have the need to claim it as yours? If you are not happy with something in your life, then seeking what someone else has is not going to help you. First, what they have that you see from your perspective and not knowing the full depth of their circumstances is ridiculous for so many reasons. Let's say you desire the family structure someone has for whatever reason. What someone has from the limited view you have of them might not be something you'd actually want in the end. How they obtained the life they have or the family they have might not be a journey you could ever have imagined or would be built to endure. The Facebook mentality of only putting out there for the world our best hair day and smile sums this scenario and point up nicely. My daughter saw a "selfie" picture of a friend of mine on my phone and asked who that was .... Keep in mind she sees this individual all the time, but she didn't recognize her from the picture .... When I told her who it was, she examined the picture and questioned me if I was sure because it didn't look like her at all. We see what people put out there for the world to see, but looks can definitely be deceiving and not at all representative of reality. We all have our insecurities and problems.....why again would you want someone else's journey and lessons to learn?
Anger and Resentment: If you are angry and/or resentful, knowing why is the first step to resolution. Questions to ask yourself: 1) Do you feel trapped? 2) Are your boundaries being violated? 3) Are you being taken advantage of and misused? 4) Did you not get your way? If yes to 1-3, then the way you work through is to acknowledge the reality of the situation and reestablish your boundaries and behavior. You won't be able to change anything in the circumstance initially other than your behavior and perspective. What will follow is the other person(s) or entity's reaction at your push back. Deep breath because this is where enforcing what is right is not always easiest, but still very much necessary to get you from anger/resentment to peace and balance. If yes to 4, then examine if "your way" is you being of an "entitled" mindset. Is what you are wanting and not receiving even yours to receive? Why? What part are you playing in you not receiving? If you're simply having a tantrum over something you are not in fact entitled to receive, then stomp your foot, irnk, and then get over it already as life is too short. Figure out a way to obtain the "want" that you earn or figure out a way to move on to something else.
Sad/Hurt and Despair: Outside of grief (death, relationship, job), the same process and variables from above can apply, but additionally: 1) Are you feeling this from a lack of self worth? 2) Are you feeling this from a lack of direction or know how? 3) Are you feeling hopeless and helpless? So if yes to 1-4 above (Anger/Resentment), then follow those to get out of your hole. If yes to 1-3 here, then know that nothing good ever comes from a pity party. Know that our self worth is not determined by another person, entity, or the success or failure from anything. Our self worth is the product of who we are at our core being. It is something you have to embrace and acknowledge. We are all flawed, but it's about the flaws and the gifts/abilities that make us perfectly us and unique. There is not another soul just like you and you are a blessing to this world in your way. Camping out in victim land is not going to be a good use of you and what you have to offer. Regardless of what has been "done to you", being a victim of your circumstances is still very much in your power to change and redefine. Seek help, if you need tools to move past where you are....friends, family, books, therapy. Take a deep breath and know that you are worth so much more than drowning in despair.
Jealousy: Well this is a fun one for sure. Ask yourself why you are looking at what others or someone in particular has in the first place...and why you have the need to claim it as yours? If you are not happy with something in your life, then seeking what someone else has is not going to help you. First, what they have that you see from your perspective and not knowing the full depth of their circumstances is ridiculous for so many reasons. Let's say you desire the family structure someone has for whatever reason. What someone has from the limited view you have of them might not be something you'd actually want in the end. How they obtained the life they have or the family they have might not be a journey you could ever have imagined or would be built to endure. The Facebook mentality of only putting out there for the world our best hair day and smile sums this scenario and point up nicely. My daughter saw a "selfie" picture of a friend of mine on my phone and asked who that was .... Keep in mind she sees this individual all the time, but she didn't recognize her from the picture .... When I told her who it was, she examined the picture and questioned me if I was sure because it didn't look like her at all. We see what people put out there for the world to see, but looks can definitely be deceiving and not at all representative of reality. We all have our insecurities and problems.....why again would you want someone else's journey and lessons to learn?
Great post! One that I'll be bookmarking for a regular self examination. And the ever needed reminder that "Facebook", referring to the perfect picture we see in other's lives, is not real.
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