If you've been practicing "listening" to others as opposed to running your own dialogue while they are speaking to you, then you are learning a lot about others. When we hear another, both what they are saying and what they are not saying, we learn who that person really is....what they are about and with what they are struggling. If the other is accusing and judging, a lot is learned about their insecurities and lack of growth. Most of the time what someone projects is 99% about them and not the issue or person for which they are vomiting on. Listen to learn....Hear to understand!
Vomiting on is a good description. I myself have been learning about this. I am working on trying to listen to hear and understand rather than listen to reply or defend/explain. Not an easy habit or task to break but when I actually accomplish it...the rewards and boost to the relationship or friendship is amazing. And when I experience this when someone listens really listens to me...the feeling of validation--they don't even have to agree with me but the fact they listened made a huge difference in how I viewed them as a person and how I want to interact with them in the future.
ReplyDeleteI agree... that's hard. Well, not so hard when you're listening to a close friend. But listening to a casual acquaintance, or an annoying co-worker? Brutal!
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's because you have to become that person, leaving your own hangups behind for a few minutes in order fully understand the person's history, perspective, and emotional state. That is especially painful when the person is mad/frustrated at you, or they're in intense emotional trauma. So much easier to shield ourselves from all of that and offer a cold shoulder to cry on, or engage in a full emotional war, defending ourselves and counter-attacking.