My personal favorite (sarcasm) is when people give me their opinions and judgments on me without me asking for them. If I wanted their help with my life, I certainly would ask for it (more sarcasm). It used to really bother me, make me insecure, feel like I had to defend myself, or feel bad about myself, etc., when this would happen because the "type" who inappropriately throw their opinions around about other's lives unbidden are usually quite insulting and wrong. They usually are not even real friends or even know me or my life in any real way to even begin to make such assertions. We could go into why these folks do this behavior, but sufficed it to say they have issues of their own or they wouldn't be lording over others in the first place. Here's the thing about taking on such "meddling"....I take the opportunity to understand who this person is and whether I want them to continue in any capacity in my life. I listen to what is being said and decide at every turn how and when to redirect the conversation. I realize that this really isn't about me and therefore do not get argumentative or defensive. I own who I am and my choices and walk away with some introspection as to why I have made the choices I have made and determine the possibilities of future choices. If you "didn't ask", realize that it's not on you to engage in their behavior.
Grrr; those people are the worst. And you're right, they're usually nothing more than scared, hypocritical bullies who are trying to hide their own failing instead of growing. I recognize them because of my own tendency to justify bad behavior by judging other people... if they're worse than me (or not as good at hiding it), I don't really have to feel bad or work to improve what I'm doing wrong (life is graded on a curve, right?!). It also works like an infection. A "meddler" appears to be perfectly happy and beyond the reach of karma; making their victims wonder why they're working so hard to live life the right way when the shortcut seems to have no consequences.
ReplyDeleteI think you're also right about the appropriate response. Defending, arguing, or counter-attacking only feeds the meddlers. It's mindnumbingly unjust that these folks aren't marched into the public spotlight and have each of their dark secrets publicly exposed. But, there is a kind of zen peace that happens when you don't allow their negativity to infect your own journey; and instead rise to a place they simply can't imagine. I suppose that is its own kind of justice.